Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I want to travel...NOW

Here's what I want...I want to travel...now. I'm not talking about the Jersey shore, Atlantic City, or New York. I want to hop on a plane and fly. I don't need to start off international, I would be happy with LA. I've never been there. I would love to see LA once in my life. See how the other side of the country lives. I've been to Vegas once and I would love to go back and redeem myself. Arizona, Colorado...I would love to see the landscape. Look out my window and just be in awe of the view. Take a helicopter trip over mountains. I want to spend an entire day hiking and taking pictures on things I just can't see in Pennsylvania. I want to more. I just do.

Monday, September 28, 2015

What a feeling!!

This is unlike anything I've ever felt in my entire life. I feel confident and at peace with being by myself. I never handled being single very well in the past but since this is the first time I'm actually mentally healthy, I feel great being alone. I can goto the lake and read, I can work on my book, I'm taking an adult dance class...I'm just doing me and not depending on a man. Yes, I'm sure one day I will want to start looking to date but I'm just so happy with myself. I know I have one person in my life right now that if he asked me on a date I would be a giddy as a little school girl, but I'm not making the first move. Slow and steady wins the race. I just want to move slow. I'm finally getting to love me. Loving me will only be better for the next guy.

Oh, and it's apparently true that you shouldn't be friends with the opposite sex. The day after I was out on my own, he contacted me to see if I wanted to be more than friends. Fuck off. I needed a friend, not someone that just wants to get in bed with me. Proud and happy to say I officially have no guy friends and I am completely alright with it. I don't need anyone to boost my ego or give me attention. IT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD. I can't imagine this smile leaving my face...just getting bigger.


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Lyrics
Yeah
When I get chills at night
I feel it deep inside without you, yeah
Know how to satisfy
Keeping that tempo right without you, yeah
Pictures in my mind on replay
I'm gonna touch the pain away
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)
I'll take it nice and slow
Feeling good on my own without you, yeah
Got me speaking in tongues
The beautiful, it comes without you, yeah
I'm gonna put my body first
And love me so hard 'til it hurts
I know how to scream out the words
Scream the words
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Anytime that I like
(I love)
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Anytime that I like
(I love me)

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Go for the Gold!

Today Jillian held her first annual Alex's Lemonade Stand in memory of Trevor Gresko. We set a goal to raise $500 and I'm proud to say WE SHATTERED IT!!! $780.93 is our grand total!! I am so incredibly proud of her. She planned the whole thing, made flyers, went to local businesses for donations and did it all with a smile on her face. It was so incredibly beautiful to see her handle herself like a young lady and not a child. She's going to be 12 soon and she has grown so much this past year. I also love that she is starting to embrace the journey she has been on and getting involved in spreading awareness and raising funds. I opted out of speaking on behalf of the American Cancer Society because I was not happy with the amount of funds they actual give towards childhood cancers. We don't really participate in any of the Relay for Life's. It felt like they were using Jillian and her story so people would get "the feels" and give more but in the end THEY weren't giving towards what we wanted to contribute to. We have moved on to helping the Pediatric Cancer Foundation of Lehigh Valley. Jillian's father is on the board and Jillian is heavily involved. Proud to see all they do for childhood cancer. Proud to be a part of finding a cure.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Thank God the week is over!

Seriously had the craziest, most nerve testing week I've had in a very long time. It was a crazy week between working, chores and getting the kids where they needed to be but with a little extra excitement. Did I want to write back? Yup. Did I? Nope. I need to be level headed again. I don't mean mentally healthy because I am, I mean I have to have my shit together and not be so stressed or crazed. I'm sure it was just some sort of set up anyway, at least that's what all the other times were. Trying to catch me in a lie, trying to prove I would cheat, trying to prove I haven't changed. Things are much different for me now. He wouldn't even recognize me anymore. I'm the most beautiful I have ever looked. But besides that, I'm not weak anymore. I am strong with self confidence and self worth. I'm 99% of the time happy and smiling. I rarely cry (I try to shed only tears of happiness). I'm just whole and healthy. I can survive on my own. I don't need a man to depend on like I have in the past. Damn I feel so good about myself, it's so amazing.

Maybe one day. Maybe one day he will contact me and genuinely want to. I don't think that was the case this time. I think it was a set up. One day...maybe.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

BOOM!

Ashley *mother fucking cheating husband* Madison

(Mic drop)



The King is dead but the Queen is alive, 
Off with his head I am done with his lies, 
A fair win I have fought for my life,
A clean slate after all this time,

A revolution and now I am in charge, 
My evolution is to shoot for the stars,
His first mistake: he underestimates, 
He didn't bother to appreciate

So, rah rah rah!
Sis boom fuckin' bah! 
There's a party in your honor, 
But you won't be there whatever, so, 
Three cheers for the one that got away! 
You were just blah blah blah, 
I was oh my god, 
And unlike your anatomy, 
I'm glad I had it in me, 
Now The King, 
The King, the King, 
The King is dead! 
But The Queen is alive 

I guess the village didn't raise you right, 
Don't think nobody's gonna mourn you tonight, 
No more licks to wet your appetite, 
You make me sick, I didn't wanna fight

I thought we ruled the heavens and the earth, 
I really thought I was the only girl, 
Your secrets have all been revealed to me, 
You've been dethroned there goes your legacy! 

So, rah rah rah!
Sis boom fuckin' bah! 
There's a party in your honor, 
But you won't be there whatever, so, 
Three cheers for the one that got away! 
You were just blah blah blah, 
I was oh my god, 
And unlike your anatomy, 
I'm glad I had it in me, 
Now The King, 
The King, the King, 
The King is dead! 
But The Queen is alive 

There are consequences in this life, 
A punishment that fit the crime, 
Your last words, I heard I'm sorry, 
Now look at me in all my glory! 

The King is dead but the Queen is alive, 
I wear your crown and I look quite nice, 
I almost let you get the best of me 
But no one's ever gonna get the Queen! 

So, rah rah rah!
Sis boom fuckin' bah! 
There's a party in your honor, 
But you won't be there whatever, so, 
Three cheers for the one that got away! 
You were just blah blah blah, 
I was oh my god, 
And unlike your anatomy, 
I'm glad I had it in me, 
Now The King, 
The King, the King, 
The King is dead! 

But The Queen is alive!