Sunday, December 27, 2015

Wtf

Seriously...wtf is all I can say right now. I am not a fucking maid or the chick that just gets you off. If I didn't clean this house would be on hoarders. For the last week I had too much on my plate between Christmas, work, and the kids I'm lucky I had enough time to shit. Not one person did the dishes, laundry or dusted the entire week. Today I took the time to do the laundry and clean the bathroom. What did the husband and kids do while I was doing that...they went downstairs and played on the PlayStation (for hours). I'm so fucking sick and tired of doing everything around here. He lives like a fucking pig and I can't stand it.

If not every morning, every other morning I do what I can to satisfy my husband sexually. If we aren't having sex he's either getting a bj or a hand job. Did it this morning and in return (like usual) I got nothing. He rolled out of bed and made himself a fucking omelette and then asked if I wanted one (knowing that I don't like omelettes). Last night he was snuggling in bed and got hard. I rolled over and said, "someone's awake." His reply, "don't flatter yourself." You fucking prick. I'm sure he's cheating on me again (3rd times the charm). He gives nothing, just takes. Fuck this shit. 

Saturday, December 19, 2015

I got this

I've been on this journey to find myself for a few years. I needed someone in my life to balance me, trust me, let me find myself, let me fall and help me get back up. I have certainly found that in David. With the coming of the new year, I'm going to tell him that I love him but am not in love with him. From the first date, my heart belonged to him. David didn't stand a chance. He would never fully have my whole heart. When my head was on straight and we were good, I have never been happier. I'm going to try again. I'm going to leave this happy home and I'm going to ask if he can learn to love me again. It will be a huge risk but I know that if I'm thinking of loving someone else, then o shouldn't be with David. That's not fair to him or to me. I don't think he will be willing to give me a chance after all these years, but I know I will regret it if I don't try. The new year will hopefully be the start of the best years of my life. 
~CHEERS!!

Sunday, December 6, 2015

I'll never understand

Why is hair such a big deal to men??? Seriously! It's fucking hair. It may make my appearance change but it doesn't change the person I am. People freaked out when I shaved the side of my head. Now I decided to color my hair purple. I've had so many compliments from woman it's actually crazy. But men, that's a whole different story. So I'm already not happy with my home life and now he doesn't like my hair. Honestly I don't give a fuck who likes it and who doesn't. But, to have to live with someone that pretty much doesn't even want to be seen with you because of your hair...fuck you. I'm so pissed over this stupid shit I might just rainbow color my hair.


Sunday, November 29, 2015

:(

I'm feeling very alone tonight. Sometimes you just want a friend to reach out to you instead of you always being the one to reach first. I don't have anyone like that in my life. I don't have a best friend. I don't have anyone that knows me inside and out. I don't have anyone that I would call if I was in need of being saved. I just don't have that. I've always been friends with more guys than girls but I gave all that up years ago. I cut out the guys in my life because in the end they just all wanted to date me. I wanted friends, not people who pretended to be my friend until I became single then wanted more. I did have a best friend but sadly I lost her to my divorce. Since her, it's been no one. Some days I'm fine with it because it eliminates drama but some days like today I wish I was surrounded by a ton of people I call friends. I will always extend myself to people and tell them they can reach out to me if they need a friend. I say this because it's something I don't have. One day maybe I will have what I search for.

Monday, November 23, 2015

This might be long...

So, as I find myself single again I had vowed a few things to myself. 1-I would not join a dating site. 2-I would make sure I took time for myself and didn't rush into another relationship. 3-I wouldn't date while I was still living under David's roof. Then, all of a sudden some of my past decides it wants to make an appearance. I'm still not sure why Eric contacted me. I still can't figure it out in my head if he was just looking for a quick lay and I was an easy target or if he genuinely cared enough to reach out. Some of his words were nice. None of them took me back to a place in my life I didn't want to revisit. I'm healthy and the way I handled myself throughout our simple conversations only proved that. He did have me actually thinking about him again after several years. Wondering what it would be like to date him while I was healthy. Although I've heard that he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I have no clue if he has received help for that. He may not be mentally healthy and although I'm in a good place, I certainly am not in any position to try and fix someone. He told me things I wanted/needed to hear years ago...he loved me, he forgives me, he holds no ill will. But, truly those words don't matter to me anymore. I let all that go years ago. Sure, nice to hear after all these years but not necessary for my growth. Maybe he needed to say it to work on his inner demons. I don't know. So I told him he needed to open up a little more to me, to let me in so I can at least try to be a friend to him when he reaches out and needs one. I think his parting words were...take care Jen. I assumed from that that he was not looking to pursue a friendship. But, I thought about it for a little and decided to reach out just a little. Extend an olive branch, if you will. I started to follow him on Twitter. He wasn't the only one...I did a mass following through my contacts but I did let it happen. Just as I predicted, he either went off Twitter or blocked me. He has given me the clear indication that he does not wish to pursue a friendship. With this, I had to reconcile in my head that I clearly fucked up years ago and I will continue to pay a price for it. I will never be a part of his life or his boys lives in any way, shape or form. With this piece of information, I did something I really didn't want to do, but had to come to terms with the fact that in my head I still think he was the one I was meant to be with but it will never be. I went back to David. I caved. I told him I would learn to trust him again. Learn to fall in love with him all over again. I will never have what my heart has always desired. This is the price I will pay. In order to make sure I don't fault, I have blocked his email address. He doesn't have my new number and he's either not on Facebook or I'm blocked. No communication will take place. The price I pay for my mental instability years ago.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Why?

why can't life be simple? Why can't we just go after what we want in life, get it and live happily ever after? Here's what I want...I want to run away...with you. Even if it's just for a weekend. Let's go. Say we will go.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Meh

so I've got this nasty ass cold. I'm all hopped up on cold medicine. I'm in bed. All the things I had planned for this weekend went down the tubes. Friday night was supposed to be dinner, drinks, dancing and sex with you. Guess which one didn't happen. :/ I hate being sick. I hate not getting anything accomplished on the weekends. I honestly hate spending another weekend without you.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Who are you?

HEY! CALIFORNIA! Someone from California reads my blog every Sunday. First, thank you. Second, leave a comment. Let me know who you are so I can thank you personally.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

This is bad

Tonight something happened to me that has never happened before. As I was in bed with a man, I called out another mans name. Eric. He pulled me across the bed like Eric would do and I said, "fuck me hard Eric." Just like that he stopped. My eyes sprung open and all I could see was the anger in his eyes. And then it happened...he hit me. He slapped me across the face and called me a fucking whore. I grabbed my shit and ran out of his place completely naked. I drove a little down the street, pulled over and got dressed. My pride hurts, my dignity hurts and my face hurts. I've never been hit by a man before. Actually I don't think I've ever been called a whore before either. This was the first man I slept with since my husband and I'm not really sure what to do or even what I'm thinking. I'm hurting in so many ways. I actually thought about calling Eric on my way home but I know that's not the right thing to do. That's not fair to him. This is not his issue. I'm broken. I feel so broken right now. I just need a friend so badly but I have no one to turn to. Tonight I will pray. I will pray that I will be led into the right direction. That I won't feel any more pain.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Love/Hate

So I have this love/hate relationship with Halloween. I absolutely love it. It's my favorite "holiday."  I love seeing the costumes, seeing all the kids smiling and happy, the parents dressing up and getting to be big kids for a night. It's all so freakin awesome. Here's why I also hate Halloween. Every year I get so excited for this day. I think about a million creative costumes, I get excited to wear them, I love candy. Every year I make plans to either go to a party, host a party or just go out to a bar in costume. Every year it never happens. I have never hosted a Halloween party, I've only been to one Halloween party in my life, and I've never been out to a bar in costume. This year is no different. Two events lined up...bar with costume contest and then the Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight. Guess what...neither are happening. It's almost 7:30 and I'm already in bed. I wanted to go out so bad. I love this holiday. I hate that it's always a big disappointment in my life. I am feeling a little pissy and depressed. I'll be fine on Sunday, but it just sucks. I was excited especially for this year because my costume wasn't slutty and didn't reveal anything. I don't feel like I need to wear those types of costumes anymore. I just wanted to be fun. I had a bee costume but it was huge with a huge stinger that stuck out the back. It was hilarious. So excited and now it's in my closet with the hopes it will see the light of day next year.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Let it go...

For the past 7 years I've had such issues with my ex, John. I can't even tell you how many horrible things he has done to me. You would think I was making this shit up. Unfortunately I'm not the only one he does these things to. I've become friends with another one of his exes that actually had to press charges against him for harassment. I had decided awhile ago that I would change my phone number. I hesituated for so long because my business was attached to the number. So if I changed it, ultimately one phone number would still be public due to my phone number. So, I made the decision to close down shop just to get rid of this unwanted stress named John. I closed my business and once everything was official, I changed my phone number. I won't allow anyone to have any control over my life. He thought he could just continue to be in my life but he was wrong. He's gone. Good riddance you gigantic mistake in my life.

Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

It's no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

So hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, anymore

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore

Monday, October 19, 2015

Blast from the past

9/27/2009

I'm still struggling.  I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction again.  I put myself out there on Match and Yahoo Personals.  I'm talking to a lot of guys, to keep my self esteem up and to replace Eric.  Every guy I chat with, e-mail, text or go out with is just a constant comparison to Eric.  When you've had the best, it's hard to settle for second best.  I left my marriage for one reason, to find the one.  I had it.  I had it all.  Then I pushed him away.  The last I heard from him was "Seriously, please leave me alone.  I don't care what happens in your life anymore."  He has told me that he does not love me and if I was truly sorry for what I have done then I would just leave him alone.  I'm trying to replace him, not because I want to, but because I need someone to occupy my time so I can leave him alone.  I just wish I had that one more chance.  I've since taken myself off Match and Yahoo.  I have deleted "useless" people from facebook.  I removed "useless" people from my phone.  I disconnected myself from all chats & I.M.'s  I don't want to put myself out there.  I'm not ready.  I'm still holding onto November 7th so tightly.  He said every November 7th and 7 pm he would go back to the site of our first date.  I want him to show up so badly.  The 7th is going to be the start of the rest of my life either way.  If he shows, it's going to be the happiest forever I can live.  If he doesn't show, I will have to be able to accept second best.

I can still hear him say..."Go fix yourself and then come back to me."

I wrote that over 6 years ago in my journal.  It's amazes me to go back and read it.  I was so desperate, so much wanted to be accepted.  I couldn't handle being alone.  November 7th came and went and no, he didn't show up.  I did keep my promise for a few years and went back every November 7th, he didn't.  Not that I expected him too.  This year is different.  I'm contemplating going back.  I don't know what the future holds for me.  I'm just not sure.  I know that I'm loving my life right now and that I've never felt more in control of me.  It feels good to actually tell guys they can't have my number.  I've been asked out about 3 times now and it hasn't even phased me.  The old me would have given my number, but I'm so comfortable with myself it's easy for me to say no.  I don't hold any ill will towards Eric.  I was a bad person to him and myself.  I don't ever expect forgiveness.  I have forgiven myself and fixed my problems.  I do often think about "what if".  What if I was healthy when we dated?  Would we still be together, happily married by now?  Would we have children?  All these will never be answered so I shrug them off.  I just can't dwell on it.

Until one day...

Monday, October 12, 2015

What makes a person beautiful

With every new chapter of my life I have always changed up my hair. This one is no different. I look like an 80's skater chick or a rocker chick. Half my head is shaved and the other half is long. It's freakin awesome if you ask me. Literally 30 seconds to dry and style my hair this morning. Loving it!! So today I went to work and some loved it, some didn't, and that's ok. It doesn't bother me. But I was on the floor and a regular customer came up to me and said this:

84 year old woman: Why did you cut off your hair? You were so beautiful. You have a beautiful face, why would you do that?
Me: I was tired of pushing it behind my ear all the time so I just got it shaved off.
Woman: Oh no! What will the men think?
Me: Well, I don't really care what they think about my hair.
Woman: Your face is so beautiful, you need to grow your hair long and put it up in a bun so everyone can see your beauty.
Me: Awww. Well thank you. I guess I could let it grow out.

I'm still the same beautiful person I was Saturday morning before I got it cut. Do people seriously think a woman's beauty is made by her hair or how attractive she is to men? Get the fuck over yourself. I'm not concerned about a finding a man that thinks I'm beautiful even with this haircut. I'm about finding a man that thinks I'm beautiful even if I had no hair. I am a beautiful person and I don't need long hair to prove it.

Friday, October 9, 2015

THE WORST

Absolutely, 100%, by far the worst thing about being single is in the bedroom. Not only the sex but someone to snuggle with, to sleep with, to wake up smiling with. Right now it's more about the sex though. I'm not in the mood to make love, I need to fuck. I'm talking about being pinned against the wall, in the shower with the water running over us, across a table. You can't get those things from battery operated toys. I don't want to hear I Love You. I want to hear Fuck Me Harder. Lord almighty...it's gonna be a long weekend.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Looking back

So today is day 3 of me being sick in bed. Totally sucks. I'm not a huge fan of television so I spend a lot of time reading. This morning I decided to take the time to remember just how far I have come in a short amount of time. I have a journal that I used to read once and awhile and just cry. Cry because I had fucked up something great because I couldn't get my shit together. This morning I cried again...but for a different reason. I felt bad for the people I hurt. I was so selfish by not taking my medication. I let myself go down a bad path and didn't really try to stop it. By the time I did something to turn my life around, he was gone. Telling everyone I was the devil. That used to bother me because I know I'm not that person and it bothered me what others thought about me. Now, not so much. I definitely don't give a shit about that people think of me...especially the ones that don't know me at all. But, I also realize that I was the devil. What a fucked up life I was trying to live. Being mentally healthy and loving yourself is so incredible. More than I could ever put into words. This is the first time in my life I don't feel like I need a man in my life. The first time I'm succeeding on my own. For the first time I'm going to post an entry from my journal. I've never let anyone read it. But, it hurts me to see how desperate and fucked up I was.

9/14/09
Shit, I'm struggling so bad right now. Ugh! He texted me to let me know how much he misses our kick ass sex. What fucking sucks is I miss it too! Our sex life was off the freakin charts. He said today that it was the best he has ever had. He also reminded me that he still loved me, but we destroy each other when we are together. With that being said he begged for sex. It took everything I had to say I to him, but I did. He wrote, please, please, please if you ever change your mind in that area, let me know. My reply was, please, please, please if you ever change your mind about "us", let me know.  I could never separate my feelings for him from sex, he could. So, although I really wanted to have sex with him, it would just be the start of me trying to convince him that I am the one for him. I fucking hate this. I just want to be with him so badly. This fucking sucks. I just want to be the one to make him happy and although I know I can't, it's so hard to accept. I want him to want to be with me and not just for the sex.

I WAS SO FUCKED UP. NOT A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

it down, push it down

I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw 'em back, till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw 'em back till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I want to travel...NOW

Here's what I want...I want to travel...now. I'm not talking about the Jersey shore, Atlantic City, or New York. I want to hop on a plane and fly. I don't need to start off international, I would be happy with LA. I've never been there. I would love to see LA once in my life. See how the other side of the country lives. I've been to Vegas once and I would love to go back and redeem myself. Arizona, Colorado...I would love to see the landscape. Look out my window and just be in awe of the view. Take a helicopter trip over mountains. I want to spend an entire day hiking and taking pictures on things I just can't see in Pennsylvania. I want to more. I just do.

Monday, September 28, 2015

What a feeling!!

This is unlike anything I've ever felt in my entire life. I feel confident and at peace with being by myself. I never handled being single very well in the past but since this is the first time I'm actually mentally healthy, I feel great being alone. I can goto the lake and read, I can work on my book, I'm taking an adult dance class...I'm just doing me and not depending on a man. Yes, I'm sure one day I will want to start looking to date but I'm just so happy with myself. I know I have one person in my life right now that if he asked me on a date I would be a giddy as a little school girl, but I'm not making the first move. Slow and steady wins the race. I just want to move slow. I'm finally getting to love me. Loving me will only be better for the next guy.

Oh, and it's apparently true that you shouldn't be friends with the opposite sex. The day after I was out on my own, he contacted me to see if I wanted to be more than friends. Fuck off. I needed a friend, not someone that just wants to get in bed with me. Proud and happy to say I officially have no guy friends and I am completely alright with it. I don't need anyone to boost my ego or give me attention. IT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD. I can't imagine this smile leaving my face...just getting bigger.


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Lyrics
Yeah
When I get chills at night
I feel it deep inside without you, yeah
Know how to satisfy
Keeping that tempo right without you, yeah
Pictures in my mind on replay
I'm gonna touch the pain away
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)
I'll take it nice and slow
Feeling good on my own without you, yeah
Got me speaking in tongues
The beautiful, it comes without you, yeah
I'm gonna put my body first
And love me so hard 'til it hurts
I know how to scream out the words
Scream the words
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Anytime that I like
(I love)
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Ah, la la la, la la la la la
Anytime that I like
(I love me)

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Go for the Gold!

Today Jillian held her first annual Alex's Lemonade Stand in memory of Trevor Gresko. We set a goal to raise $500 and I'm proud to say WE SHATTERED IT!!! $780.93 is our grand total!! I am so incredibly proud of her. She planned the whole thing, made flyers, went to local businesses for donations and did it all with a smile on her face. It was so incredibly beautiful to see her handle herself like a young lady and not a child. She's going to be 12 soon and she has grown so much this past year. I also love that she is starting to embrace the journey she has been on and getting involved in spreading awareness and raising funds. I opted out of speaking on behalf of the American Cancer Society because I was not happy with the amount of funds they actual give towards childhood cancers. We don't really participate in any of the Relay for Life's. It felt like they were using Jillian and her story so people would get "the feels" and give more but in the end THEY weren't giving towards what we wanted to contribute to. We have moved on to helping the Pediatric Cancer Foundation of Lehigh Valley. Jillian's father is on the board and Jillian is heavily involved. Proud to see all they do for childhood cancer. Proud to be a part of finding a cure.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Thank God the week is over!

Seriously had the craziest, most nerve testing week I've had in a very long time. It was a crazy week between working, chores and getting the kids where they needed to be but with a little extra excitement. Did I want to write back? Yup. Did I? Nope. I need to be level headed again. I don't mean mentally healthy because I am, I mean I have to have my shit together and not be so stressed or crazed. I'm sure it was just some sort of set up anyway, at least that's what all the other times were. Trying to catch me in a lie, trying to prove I would cheat, trying to prove I haven't changed. Things are much different for me now. He wouldn't even recognize me anymore. I'm the most beautiful I have ever looked. But besides that, I'm not weak anymore. I am strong with self confidence and self worth. I'm 99% of the time happy and smiling. I rarely cry (I try to shed only tears of happiness). I'm just whole and healthy. I can survive on my own. I don't need a man to depend on like I have in the past. Damn I feel so good about myself, it's so amazing.

Maybe one day. Maybe one day he will contact me and genuinely want to. I don't think that was the case this time. I think it was a set up. One day...maybe.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

BOOM!

Ashley *mother fucking cheating husband* Madison

(Mic drop)



The King is dead but the Queen is alive, 
Off with his head I am done with his lies, 
A fair win I have fought for my life,
A clean slate after all this time,

A revolution and now I am in charge, 
My evolution is to shoot for the stars,
His first mistake: he underestimates, 
He didn't bother to appreciate

So, rah rah rah!
Sis boom fuckin' bah! 
There's a party in your honor, 
But you won't be there whatever, so, 
Three cheers for the one that got away! 
You were just blah blah blah, 
I was oh my god, 
And unlike your anatomy, 
I'm glad I had it in me, 
Now The King, 
The King, the King, 
The King is dead! 
But The Queen is alive 

I guess the village didn't raise you right, 
Don't think nobody's gonna mourn you tonight, 
No more licks to wet your appetite, 
You make me sick, I didn't wanna fight

I thought we ruled the heavens and the earth, 
I really thought I was the only girl, 
Your secrets have all been revealed to me, 
You've been dethroned there goes your legacy! 

So, rah rah rah!
Sis boom fuckin' bah! 
There's a party in your honor, 
But you won't be there whatever, so, 
Three cheers for the one that got away! 
You were just blah blah blah, 
I was oh my god, 
And unlike your anatomy, 
I'm glad I had it in me, 
Now The King, 
The King, the King, 
The King is dead! 
But The Queen is alive 

There are consequences in this life, 
A punishment that fit the crime, 
Your last words, I heard I'm sorry, 
Now look at me in all my glory! 

The King is dead but the Queen is alive, 
I wear your crown and I look quite nice, 
I almost let you get the best of me 
But no one's ever gonna get the Queen! 

So, rah rah rah!
Sis boom fuckin' bah! 
There's a party in your honor, 
But you won't be there whatever, so, 
Three cheers for the one that got away! 
You were just blah blah blah, 
I was oh my god, 
And unlike your anatomy, 
I'm glad I had it in me, 
Now The King, 
The King, the King, 
The King is dead! 

But The Queen is alive!