Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Daydream Believer

It feels like a lifetime since I've seen Evan. I spend my days getting more depressed praying and hoping he still loves me. Hoping he still thinks of me. I'm feeling very alone today and all my thoughts are about contacting him. I know it will only push him further away but I just can't shake my feelings for him. I'm thinking a midday nap is in order to try and make the time pass. They say you dream about the last thing you think of before you fall asleep. This must be true because I had the most vivid dream of Evan. I dreamt of the life we could have had together. All living under one roof, lots of smiles and laughs, a healthy me. I had my medication balanced and I was finally the me I was before. Sharing a healthy me with Evan was always a dream. We were at his house, a picnic with friends and family in the backyard. Everyone was laughing and smiling. I went up behind Evan and put my arms around him. I could smell him. I could feel his body against mine. We fit perfectly together. He pulled me around to the front of him and held me in the biggest bear hug ever. The feeling of being in his arms was always overwhelming. It was comfort to me. We sat down on lawn chairs next to each other. I reached my hand over and placed it on his upper thigh. I could feel his leg muscle through his jeans. I could feel the texture of his jeans. He looked over and gave me that beautiful smile. All I ever wanted to do was make him smile. Only in my dreams was I able to do that. I didn't want to open my eyes when I woke because I knew I would realize it was only a dream. I'm wide awake now. Wanting only one thing...to contact him even more. Should I text him? Should I email him? Should I send him a message on Facebook? Will he ever contact me again? Will I ever hear his voice again? Will I ever touch him again? Yes, in my dreams.

Every night I rush to my bed
with hopes that maybe I'll get a chance to see you
When I close my eyes
I'm goin outta my head
Lost in a fairytale
Can you hold my hands and be my guide
Clouds filled with stars cover your skies
and I hope it rains
You're the perfect lullaby
What kinda dream is this?
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I don't wanna wake up from you
Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your love's too good to be true
My guilty pleasure I ain't goin no where
Baby long as you're here
I'll be floatin on air cause you're my
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
I mention you when I say my prayers
I wrap you around all of my thoughts
Boy you my temporary high
I wish that when I wake up youre there
So wrap your arms around me for real
and tell me you'll stay by side
Clouds filled with stars cover the skies
and I hope it rains
You're the perfect lullaby
What kinda dream is this?
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your love's too good to be true
My guilty pleasure I ain't goin no where
Baby long as you're here
I'll be floatin on air cause you're my
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
Tattoo your name across my heart
So it will remain
Not even death could make us part
What kind of dream is this?
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your love's too good to be true
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
~Beyoncé

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