It feels like a lifetime since I've seen Evan. I spend my days getting more depressed praying and hoping he still loves me. Hoping he still thinks of me. I'm feeling very alone today and all my thoughts are about contacting him. I know it will only push him further away but I just can't shake my feelings for him. I'm thinking a midday nap is in order to try and make the time pass. They say you dream about the last thing you think of before you fall asleep. This must be true because I had the most vivid dream of Evan. I dreamt of the life we could have had together. All living under one roof, lots of smiles and laughs, a healthy me. I had my medication balanced and I was finally the me I was before. Sharing a healthy me with Evan was always a dream. We were at his house, a picnic with friends and family in the backyard. Everyone was laughing and smiling. I went up behind Evan and put my arms around him. I could smell him. I could feel his body against mine. We fit perfectly together. He pulled me around to the front of him and held me in the biggest bear hug ever. The feeling of being in his arms was always overwhelming. It was comfort to me. We sat down on lawn chairs next to each other. I reached my hand over and placed it on his upper thigh. I could feel his leg muscle through his jeans. I could feel the texture of his jeans. He looked over and gave me that beautiful smile. All I ever wanted to do was make him smile. Only in my dreams was I able to do that. I didn't want to open my eyes when I woke because I knew I would realize it was only a dream. I'm wide awake now. Wanting only one thing...to contact him even more. Should I text him? Should I email him? Should I send him a message on Facebook? Will he ever contact me again? Will I ever hear his voice again? Will I ever touch him again? Yes, in my dreams.