Monday, August 4, 2014

In Your Eyes

Wow! That escalated quick!! That look in his eyes was becoming all too familiar.  I had to make a quick decision...do I stand up for myself and argue or do I start crying? Leaving is not an option...mainly because I don't want to ever leave.  If I stand up for myself I know that he will continue to get more angry with me and it may turn into the time that I push him just a little too far.  If I start crying I know sooner than later he will calm down and try to comfort me.  I always cried.  I don't think I have ever cried as much in my life as I do now.  I'm not used to fighting.  My first husband and I never fought and when we had a disagreement we just talked it out.  Throwing things, breaking things, yelling, storming out...this is all new to me.  I didn't like it.  He definitely has anger issues.  It's like he has borderline personality disorder or is bi-polar.  One minute he is so in love with me and wants to marry me and the next minute he hates everything about me and looks like he is one step away from hitting me.  As his nasty words come flying out of his mouth I sit on the floor crying.  He has already grabbed all my clothes from the closet and thrown them out into the garage.  "Please, please can I just stay the night?  I will leave in the morning.  I don't want to wake the kids to leave," I begged.  He agreed to let me stay the night.  I was devastated.  I didn't sleep at all knowing that in the morning I would have to leave his home again and fight to get back in it.  As the morning came he rolled over and kissed me.  Huh? "Look, let's just forget about what happened last night and move on." So here I am laying in his bed wondering what the fuck was going on.  Last night he looked like he wanted to hit me and this morning he has on his beautiful smile.  I wish I knew what was going on in his head.  I bet he wishes he knew what was going on in my head.

love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
~Peter Gabriel

No comments:

Post a Comment