Monday, July 28, 2014

I'm sorry...

Here I was, sitting at the airport terminal holding his hand tightly and scared to death to board the plane. I hadn't been on a plane since 9/11 and my anxiety was high. Our row was called and as we stood to start loading I clenched his hand even harder. He flashed his beautiful smile and I felt safe. I took the middle seat between him and another man. "Can I goto the bathroom now before the plane takes off?" I looked at him with nervous eyes. "Yeah, but do you have your money with you," he said with a straight face. "Ummmm, no. Why do I need money to use the bathroom?" I was completely confused. "You know how I told you they charge for everything? Well, you have to pay for toilet paper also." The stranger sitting next to me started to laugh. "Huh? You can't be serious," I said with now an even more confused look. Just then he burst out laughing. "You're so stupid sometimes. Just goto the bathroom." As I was walking away I could hear him laughing with the stranger. I was getting used to being the butt of his jokes. He had a way of making me feel like the dumbest person on Earth.

The flight was long. It was scheduled to be a 5 1/2 hour flight. I did my best to keep myself occupied. If I wasn't sleeping I was reading the latest trash mag. Both guys on either side of me slept most of the time. In my opinion I did fairly well with keeping my anxiety in check. I kept in mind how excited I was to be going to Vegas. I had never been there before and I had a feeling it was going to be an epic trip. As the pilot announced our arrival and went over the procedures for landing the stranger next to me asked, "Is this your first time in Vegas?" "Yeah, I'm pretty excited. Is this your first time?" "No," he replied "I fly out here all the time. I'm a dj. I'm working tonight at the Hard Rock. Would you be interested in coming? I can put you on the guest list?" I looked over at him with anticipation. He knew how much I loved dancing. "Sure, we would love to come." "Great! What's your names? I will send an email to them now to have you put on the guest list." As I gave him our names I couldn't stop smiling. I knew it...epic trip I tell ya!  As the stranger headed off the plane I looked over and saw that all too familiar look in Evan's eyes. "What's wrong," I said with nervousness in my voice. "I can't believe you were flirting with that guy right in front of me." Huh? What? "What are you talking about?" "You talked to him more than you talked to me. I know how much you love to dance and he's a dj. Maybe you could spend your vacation with him. Seemed like you wanted to." It was the look and the tone of voice I had become to know very well. I knew I did nothing wrong and yet he always had a way of making me feel like a huge piece of shit. "Evan, I wasn't flirting. I was just talking to him." "Whatever, let's get off and get our bags." With that he walked right by me leaving me to catch up to him. The tears started to roll down my face. It was my comfort zone. I knew if I cried he would end up coming back around to me.

I started my vacation crying...little did I know that I would end it the same way. This would be a vacation that would change my life forever.


Oh I had a lot to say, was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know, I can't take it back.
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby, the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry

This time I think, I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know, I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby, the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry


Every single day, I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah

Sorry
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know, I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby, the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry


~Buckcherry

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