Sunday, December 16, 2012

CT

Just like the rest of the Country, I am deeply saddened at the school shooting that took place in CT the other day.  I have children and unfortunately was unable to hug my kids that evening.  I was having a hard time with situation because I wasn't able to see them. On top of everything I was asked by someone to not react lovingly to my children when I do see them.  So here I am...grieving and am asked to not grieve in my own way.  Now I'm placed in a position to please other people and keep the peace...once again. 

I thought the presidents speech was exactly how it should have been...heartfelt, teary, loving, concerned, and ready to take action.  I posted the following status on Facebook:

Fine! You shed a tear during your speech today, President Obama. Now do something about it damn it!
 
 
I'm fired up.  I'm mad.  I'm pissed that things of this nature continue to happen and nothing changes.  Columbine, mall shootings...we've lived through too many.  When is something going to change?  When I wrote this people automatically assumed I was referring to gun control laws.  Although I do believe something needs to change in that department, I was more referring to a change in the mental health system.  I do believe that it's not the guns that kill people, it's the people behind them.  Although I am not a hunter and do not own a gun, I do believe that their are plenty of responsible owners of guns in this world.  Men and women fight everyday in war FOR OUR FREEDOM using guns. I do not believe the appropriate help is available for people with mental health issues.  This is what I see as more of a problem.  If guns did not exist I don't think this would stop someone mentally ill from having thoughts that they already have.  Someone with a mental illness that is already thinking irrationally is not all of a sudden going to stop and say, "Hey!  Guns are illegal, I can't do that."  A stabbing occurred in China the same day at the school shooting.  22 students were stabbed.  Stabbed...not shot.  Lunatics make bombs.  What about 9/11? Planes were used to kill people.  It's not just about the guns people!!!!
 
Earlier today I received a message from the father of a friend on Facebook.  I am not friends with this gentleman.  He wrote:
 
Don't be an ass. Let us grieve first including the pres.
 
I responded with "Excuse me?" Although he has read my message, he has not replied.  I still don't understand how I am the ass in all this?  Did my status about the president say he should not be allowed to grieve with the rest of us?  Did my status about the president say he should take action and make a change that very second?  NO!  I did not say either of those.  But, I am tired of this happening.  Change needs to be made.  I know laws don't change overnight but damn it...do something about it.  In a month, two months, a year, not one of us will remember the names of those victims (unless you were directly affected).  But I guarantee we will all remember the name of the shooter.  This is so incredibly wrong.  I'm sick to my stomach and even more disgusted at the fact that someone who knows nothing about me feels the need to call me an ass for (1) expressing MY opinions on MY Facebook page in which he should not be looking at and (2) jumping to conclusions and assuming things.
 
We are all grieving, we are all saddened (including the president).  Calling someone an ass or telling them how to act around your own children doesn't really solve anything, now does it?
 
If no change is made...God bless us all!
 
 
 
 
~Jen
 



Sunday, October 14, 2012

Childhood Cancer

I have a question...why is everything turned pink in October, but nothing is turned gold in September?  Yes, I believe that awareness should be raised for all types of cancer.  I understand why and I think it's awesome that you can turn on any football game and see grown men wearing pink.  I love seeing lights on buildings change to pink.  I think this is all incredible...really, I do.  But, what about Childhood Cancer?  Childhood Cancers are the #1 disease killer of children more than asthma, cystic fibrosis, diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined.  How many more children have to die from Childhood Cancer before big organizations take notice and raise awareness?

On 11/3 I will be shaving my head and donating my hair to Locks of Love.  I've raised almost $1,000 towards research for AT/RT which will be donated to CHOP.

 
~Jen

Monday, July 30, 2012

History repeats itself

They say history repeats itself...Lord, I'm praying very hard that it does not.

Just a few years ago I was married...then I was divorced.  I dated after that.  Good Lord, did I date after that.  I fell in love and I lost myself during this time.  I turned into someone that I didn't even recognize.  I was a fake and liar.  I went through a deep depression and a zillion hours of counseling.  I got better.  I found myself again and I fell in love.  I got married again.




~Jen


Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Weekend to Celebrate!

This weekend was full of celebrations.  Yesterday was David's 40th birthday :)  I had so much planned...surprise party, expensive gifts, "Lordy, Lordy Look Who's 40" signs in the front yard...but...not a chance!! I was specifically warned that if any of these things occured, the wedding would be off.  David wasn't having it!!! I looked at Super Bowl tickets but they were like $2500 a piece and with the wedding next month...I had to kick that idea to the curb :(  Here is the ONLY thing he would ALLOW me to do for his birthday


Peanut butter ice cream cake...that's it.  David's not the happiest man in the world right now.  He's not embracing this 40 thing. I told him 40 was just a number.  His reply, "It's a BIG number."

Well, today is Mothers Day.  I always tell the kids that I prefer the "homemade" cards and gifts but honestly...I love the gifts I was purchased this year!!!



I specifically asked for the Scary Mommy book but the Zumba for the Kinect was a surprise.  If you are not familiar with the Scary Mommy blog then you are really missing out.  It's an HONEST look at motherhood...lots of cursing and complaining but in a very funny way.

http://www.scarymommy.com/

https://www.facebook.com/#!/thescarymommy

Check out the links above for some funny stuff!!!! Make sure you read the confessionals on her website.  WOW!  People definitely write openly when it's anonymous!!!!  Here's some examples of what you can expect if you visit:

"I named my son after a boy I had a crush on in high school...my husband has no idea he has a namesake."

"My baby's vibrating bouncy seat broke yesterday, so now my 'top of the drawer' toy is wrapped in a receiving blanket and tucked into the side of the car seat.  Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"My 18 month old still can't say 'Mommy,' but used the word 'shit' in perfect context today."

"I kiss my young teenager good-bye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics.  Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands."

PS...the book is hilarious so far!!!

I was so excited to get Zumba!!!!  I put on my black stretchy pants and my Hooters tank top and off I went!  I did a few routines but started smelling the sweat after awhile and decided that was enough for one day ;)

Anytime I get anything with a picture of Jillian on it...I'm in love!!!!  Love seeing her little face and beautiful smile!!!

I'm big on cards! So, to me a card is more important that a gift...don't know why, just it is.  The best Mothers Day card I ever received was when my kids were younger and my ex-husband picked it out for them.  The front of the card said "You are like a mother to me".  Really?  I hope so...considering I AM your mother.  It was hilarious.  He didn't really read the card before he purchased it. LOL.  Haley's cards mean more and more to me as the years go on.  This years card described why she loved me being her mother.  So special to me.  More special than I can actually put into words.

BUT...here it is...the card of all cards.  Here is what Brayton gave me for a card:



A handwritten letter from him.  I couldn't get a good picture of it, so here it is:


Dear Mom,

I really love you! I so thankful that you are my mom.  I wouldn't like it any other way.  If I had any other mom, I'd find you, and go to you.  That's just how much I love you!

I love you for many reasons, but here are just a few of them.  You special, and perfect for me.  You're nice, kind, caring and thoughtful.  You're also loving, fun, and amazingly cool.  You can also warm up my heart when it's cold.

You also do much stuff for me.  You answer my problems.  You give me food, drink, love and a roof above my head.  You also make many really great meals (I especially love your desserts!) When I'm stuck on a page of homework, you help me.

These are all things that make you unique.  These are also reasons I love you a Bray-ton! Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today.  Without you, I don't know what I'd do.  You are the best mom ever!

With so much love,
Brayton B., your loving son.


Ummmm...enough said!

~Jen

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I was cleaning out some old boxes yesterday and  came across my notebooks from when I was in outpatient therapy.  I decided to read through them realizing just how far I have come since then.  Some things were hard to read but most were enlightening.  During therapy I was encouraged to write.  So I did...A LOT.  I wrote down my feelings, my thoughts.  I wrote letters to people that were in my life and to some that had left. It did sadden me to see how "messed up" I was. I should have never been dating!!!  I came across this one entry that I wrote and thought I would share it:

9/12/2009, Give Each Other Plenty of Space to Grow

When you meet someone and fall in love, you want nothing but the best for them.  You also want to see them realize their full potential - physically, intellectually, emotionally.  Sometimes the persons full potential takes place during a relationship.  Therefore you must give each other room to grow.  This may involve self-sacrifice as you relinquish your mates attention so they can reach their full potential.  Sometimes it also means giving your mate room to suffer.  Sometimes it also means you may suffer also.  From situations that may be painful, they will bring about meaningful growth in character.  When your relationship is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.  Open your arms and release your mate so they can work all things out for the good.  Encourage their growth and then be ready to take them back into your arms to enjoy their full potential.

I can't tell you if I copied this passage from a book or if they are my original words, because I did not note it, but I do love what is written and oh so true.

I wrote a lot of positive quotes also.  Here are some of my favorites:

Prove your Love with deeds by day, then express it once more at night - speaking from your heart.

Come out of hiding.  You will no longer feel the need for even the smallest deception.  Best of all, the intimacy you long for - with each other - will grow.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Two people are often joined together who have vastly different strengths, weaknesses, talents, interests, personalities and perspectives.  The character traits of each compliment the other, making the couple stronger, expanding their potential, and creating a life that they never could have known apart.

The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.



~Jen

Monday, May 7, 2012

Fifty Shades of...HOLY CRAP THIS IS GOOD!



I thought I would start with something funny.  If you missed the Saturday Night Live skit about the book, click the link below to watch it.  Really funny!!!

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So I have never been an avid reader.  I absolutely hated reading in school and even as an adult, it's hard for me to find something that peaks my interest.  When I do read it is usually self help books or inspirational books.  Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is one of my favorites.  I learned a lot from that one.  I recently read The Help.  This was the first book in an extremely long time that I desired to read.  It was good.  I was thrilled with myself that I read the whole thing :)

Then, I was driving one morning and they started talking about this book, Fifty Shades of Grey, on the radio.  The dj called his mother on the phone (she happens to be very conservative) and began reading passages from the book to her.  She was appauled.  I was amused.  I found it funny because they made it funny.  I really didn't give the book much thought after that.  Then, I started reading on facebook that a lot of my friends were posting about how wonderful it was.  This is absolutely not my type of reading AT ALL, but I figured I would give it a shot.  I went out and purchased the first book, not knowing what really to expect (except sex).  I sat down to read the book and 2 days later...it was finished.  I have never read a book that quickly.  I didn't want to put it down.  Her writing was so good, I couldn't believe I was interested in something like this.  I was not happy with the ending of the first book, but it made me excited to read the second.  As I started the second book, David started the first book.  He wanted to read the book to find out what had peaked my interest so much ;)  I finished up the second book in record time also.  Again, not happy with the ending because it made me want more.  I've just started the third book in the series and don't really want to read it quickly.  This is the last book in the series and I have NEVER been so into books like I have these that I don't want it to end.  Who knew that erotica books were my type of books???? ;)  I can tell you that David is thrilled that I am reading them!!! lol. 

I want to write so much more but I don't want to give anything away. 

They are in the process of making a movie...with an NC17 rating.  Here is the guy they are thinking of to play Christian...his name is Ian Somethingorother...






Ummmm...that would work for me ;)  Look at the last picture....grey eyes, little smirk.  I can totally see it!!!







Happy Reading!!!

~Jen

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

All Better

So recently I posted about some "crazy" stuff that was going on in my life.  All is better now.  I confronted the person who I thought was behind these things and since then, no contact has been made and nothing new has happened.  It was extremely hard dealing with all that was going on (my past being brought up) because at the same time, my meds had stopped working.  My doctor changed my medication and I know they say it could take up to 6 weeks to get in your system, but DAMN...I really needed them to work right away.  They didn't though.  I was acting so out of character because the meds were completely out of my system.  David said he didn't even recognize me.  I was so different from the last 2 years. He said the tone of my voice was different and the expressions on my face were also.  It was really hard for me.  I can't recall the last time I was this withdrawn.  But here's the flip side...the meds have finally kicked in (about a week ago).  I feel better than I ever have.  The new medicine is working perfectly! I feel so good about who I am and where I am in life.  I don't have a single bad thought about my past and I feel at peace with it.  I feel like the honesty that was told between me and David has brought us closer than I ever thought we could be.  I feel safe with him.  I'm not looking for the ball to drop.  I'm not waiting for that bad thing to happen.  It's really good with us.  I thought we were great before, but I feel different about everything now.  I feel really secure.  I feel like nothing or no one could come between us.  Really the best way to describe everything is I feel at peace.  It's a great feeling. :)

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing better than ever!!



~Jen

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Are you jealous or do you just hate me?

I'm having a hard time in my life right now.  I have someone that is either completely jealous of me or really, really hates me.  I do think that I am a good person with a good heart and yes, I do know people that actually use the word "hate" when they describe me, but for the most part I'm a likeable person.  A few weeks ago I started receiving emails from a mysterious individual (assuming it's a girl).  The person felt the need to remind me of a time that I choose to forget.  I was not the best person in the world for a period of my life and the emails are constant reminders of that.  I have received several emails from this person and as they go on, they get worse and worse for me.

It doesn't stop at the emails though...it seems as though this person felt the need to create a profile and put my pictures up on a dating site.  I started receiving calls/voicemails and text messages from random men.  After several complaints to the dating site, the profile has been taken down.  Don't know if they took it down or if she did, but it is gone.  When I saw my pictures on that dating site, I actually cried.  It was disturbing. 

I know people will always say to ignore people like this, but that's just not me.  Things like this really do bother me and tend to stick with me.  I have a good idea as to who is behind this, but I don't have proof.  I'm sad that my past is being brought back.  I'm sad that I care so much about it.  I'm sad that I don't feel as strong as I thought I was.

I've made mistakes over the past month, I'm not perfect...this is know.  But good Lord, I do a good enough job complicating my life on my own...I really don't need anyone elses help with this.

Unfortunately, the story does not end here...but this blog does.


~Jen

Monday, February 27, 2012

A Lost Life...

I'm going to talk about something that I can relate to first hand.  Low self esteem and severe anxiety.  I was diagnosed years ago with depression and severe anxiety attacks.  I've been medicated for many, many years.  Some medications have worked and some have definitely not worked.  The people that have always been close to me know when I'm not taking my meds or when they might need to be adjusted.  It's that noticeable.  David will sometimes say as a joke, "Did you take your meds today?"  It's a very real problem for me.  I've done years and years of counseling for my issues and have made gigantic leaps.  I don't have any friends that suffer the same as I do so I don't have anyone that can really relate to what I feel sometimes.  I am at the point right now where I can tell my meds have not been working for about a month now.  I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do, I"m saying things I wouldn't normally say and my emotions have been all over the place.  I recently made an appointment with my doctor to discuss my medication because it's become very obvious to the people around me that something is waaaaay off right now.

I decided to search on-line to see what others felt.  I feel like I'm the only one living this way.  I was "happy" to see that I'm really not.  Here are some things that others wrote.  I will add at the end of the statement how I can relate to them:


Murray's research into the attitudes and behaviors of married and single couples has found that partners with low self-esteem often sabotage their own relationships. In a sense, they "create" the very situations they fear most.
I can absolutely relate to this one.  Although this was much worse for me years ago, I would create an issue out of absolutely nothing to pick a fight.  I would do this over and over and over until the person on the receiving end just couldn't take it anymore.

Murray's research in the Journal of Personal Relationships and the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology warns that low self-esteem may cause a sensitive and insecure individual to read incorrect meanings into ambiguous cues given by their partners. The behavior that follows provokes the very relationship outcomes they want to avoid.
Again, simple things your partner does and things they say mean absolutely nothing...but to a person with low self esteem it's a whole different scene.

Unfortunately, such problems can be found not only in new relationships, but can extend into those that have continued for many years. Murray found that even after 10 years of marriage, people with low self-esteem tend to think their partners love them less than they really do.
It really doesn't matter how much your partner loves you and shows you and tells you, a person with low self esteem will ALWAYS think they aren't loved and aren't meant to be loved.

Here was a comment under the article I read:

This helped me understand myself better. I never realized until I read it that i do things like start a fight because I think my boyfriend doesn't love me or I don't matter to him. I'm constantly afraid he's cheating even though he is completely loyal. Part of me believes I deserve it, becuase I don't deserve a guy as amazing as him. He's stood by me through so much and I'm afraid that he's going to get sick of it and realize how much better he can do. I always feel like I'm not good enough for him. And when we fight he sometimes calls me needy and self absorbed and it hurts because I know it's true.
How do I stop it? How do I trust that someone can love me?
I have been in her shoes.  It's a hard life to live.

Low self esteem in a dating relationship becomes a sort of a push-pull: the person suffering from low self esteem has convinced themselves that they aren't lovable, yet attempts are made to get the person they are dating to try and prove otherwise. This is a potentially self-defeating, demoralizing and damaging state of affairs, and one that may repeat until the person afflicted chooses to do something about it.
The person with low self esteem with push and push and push by causing fights just so they can make sure the other person loves them enough to stay with them.  Ultimately pushing so far will result in that person leaving.  It's a neverending battle.

Here is another comment from the article:

"hello there. I'm 34 and first time i my life i have a great boyfriend.before this i had too many relationship but none of them worked. i always felt anxious while I'm in a relationship. always feeling like something bad is going to happen soon.he is going to dump me, he is going to stop loving me, he is going to cheat on me etc.other issues i can handle easily.job,friends,family issues are all OK.i had badly panic attacks before but all has gone or i should say i learn how to cope with attacks.
but when its come to love everything changes.we're together for approx. 6 months and everything is just so great while im with him.he shows too much attention just like i do.this is the first time i feel i am with the guy i should be with.buttttt when i leave him to go to work or go to my home then things starts changing in my mind.i am starting to think that he will change his mind and will not love me.if he doesn't call for 2 hours i am starting to worry that he forget me.while i am talking with him i am already starting to wonder when he is going to call me again.if he's busy or tired i am thinking that he is bored because of me.he wants to break up with me but he can't tell me.i am constantly thinking stuff like these and its really disturbing.i have things to do at work, i have friends to see and pay some attention, i know i have a life just i had before him but i don't want to deal with anything else rather than him. it's not healthy i know.but i just wanted to know if you people feel the same things? is it my anxiety causes me to feel this way or is it something like the 6th sense and i am feeling right about my worries.does anxiety make people feel these things which doesn't have to be true? i always promise myself to not to ask him the question "are you ok?" do you love me? do you still love me because its been 10 minutes last time you have said and maybe you have changed your mind while i was taking a shower hahaha.
i am laughing to myself but in a way i feel sorry for myself.those are not easy feelings to cope with and i am afraid of losing him because of my stupid attitude in this relationship."

It really only does take a matter of 10 minutes for panic to set into your thoughts.  Why aren't they responding, why haven't they held my hand, why haven't they smiled at me, why haven't they talked to me.  Nothing is ever wrong but these thoughts go through your head.  Being away from the other person was always the hardest for me.  Constant thoughts would run through my head...what is he doing?  Where is he?  Why isn't he texting me?  Why isn't he calling me?  It's such a hard thing to explain if you can't relate.

OK...so here's where I am now.  My meds are not working properly and I don't take them like I should everyday.  I am going to the Doctor this week so hopefully that will all get back to normal.  But, in the meantime I struggle with my thoughts.  I absolutely know right from wrong...but can I doing the right thing?  Most of the time, yes.  Sometimes, no.  When I'm doing something wrong, I know I'm doing wrong but your head doesn't let you stop.  Then you deal with the guilt of what you have done.  BUT does having these issues give me the right to do the wrong thing and then try and rationalize with the other person saying, "but it's my head", "but my meds are working properly".  STRUGGLE.  Because I know right from wrong, this answer to me is NO, absolutely not!  This is not an acceptable excuse.  BUT it ultimately is true.  This disease will make you do things you never want to do. This disease will eat at you until you finally make sure you don't deserve to be loved.

Let me clear one thing up though...low self esteem is not what most people think it is.  It's not that I think I'm unattractive.  For me, it has nothing to do with looks, but has everything to do with what's going on inside.

I'm a much better person than I was a few years ago, but recent events have made me slip down a path that I swore I would never go again.  It's so incredibly hard because I know what I should do, but my head just won't allow me to do it.  I'm praying that the doctor can help me.  I need to get back on track...quickly.




~Jen

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Hypocrite

I am very anti-smoking and anti-drugs.  I tried pot when I was like 13 and it did absolutely nothing so I never did it again.  Here's what I don't understand...what about the people that are like me when it comes to smoking and drugs but yet they go to the bar, get drunk and then drive home?  I don't give a f*ck if you are driving 1 minute to your house...1 minute is enough time to kill yourself and possibly others when you are driving drunk.  When I go out it is always decided ahead of time who will be drinking and who will be driving.  Never do we sway from our choice and everyone gets home safe.  I hate when a friend calls me up or texts me and says they are out and are drunk.  I always ask if they have a ride home and are safe.  Usually it's the same answer, "Nah, I'm ok."  Bull shit!  You think you may be ok but you aren't and God be with you if you take someone elses life because of your stupidity.

I had a friend a few years back that was going through AA and I was his support person.  When he felt down and needed to talk or when he felt like he wanted to drink, he would call me.  I was his voice of reason.  I am so proud that he had chosen me to be the one to lean on.  I did a wonderful job and looked out for this guy like he was my son.  I believe that people come into your life for a very specific reason.  Now that he is through the treatment and doing great, he doesn't contact me anymore.  I was shocked when our friendship ended but at the same time I like to think that I served my purpose in his life when it was needed the most.  I do still pray for him and hope that he is well.

I was never a big drinker.  I never did the bar scene and I never really went drinking when I turned 21.  I didn't really start to "drink" until after I got divorced.  I dated a guy that had alcohol in the house at all times and he drank regularly.  That was very different for me and I did find myself drinking more during that time of my life.  I was also very depressed with incredibly low self esteem which didn't help with the drinking :(  Now I will have 1 or 2 drinks when I go out with friends but I don't drink to get drunk.  I am almost always the driver so it's not even an option.  I did get drunk the other week but I was not the driver and WOW it has been a loooooong time since I was like that.

I remember a time when I was younger and I went to Pizza Hut with my parents for dinner.  My dad ordered one beer.  I remember the glass was really tall.  He drank that one beer and then we got in the car to drive home.  I put up the biggest stink EVER in the car.  I was pissed and lecturing him because he had a beer and was driving us home.  Looking back now I know that he was perfectly fine to drive but I was devastated at the time thinking he was putting us all at risk by driving.

Please be responsible.  If you are going to drink...fine.  But be an adult about it.  Call someone to come get you or call a cab.  So what you have to go back the next day to get your car.  At least you will know that you made it home safe and sound and so did everyone else in your path.


~Jen

Sunday, January 29, 2012

That Enchanting, Magnetic, Unusual, Wonderful Feeling

OK...so I set two of my good friends up on a blind date.  They have been chatting with each other for a week and set the dinner date for last night.  Up until 5 minutes before the date they had been texting me ALL THE TIME about each other and how excited and nervous they are.  They seem to get along perfectly (online).  So once we got into the hours of the date...no texts.  They were freakin' killing me!!!!  I would think if neither of them has stepped away from the table to head to the bathroom to text me everything was going well but damn....tell me something!!!

So they FINALLY decide to text me and once they started, they just kept going (and still are).  Both are so smitten with each other and are so excited for a second date.  My "male" friend is one of my best friends.  I actually dated him briefly when we met on match.com. This is the type of man you want in your life.  Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.  He has been divorced for a long time and has raised his boys pretty much on his own.  He has had some extremely rough times in his life (times which I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy) and he continues to hold his head high.  I try to get together with at least once a month so I can continue to build our wonderful friendship that has blossomed.

My "female" friend I met through David.  She was actually the maid-of-honor when he married his ex-wife.  I met her at Trish's funeral and we instantly became friends.  She is recently separated from a man that always made her feel second best.  She is ready to find the one that makes her feel special.  Honestly, I don't think she has ever felt beautiful.  She's turned out to be a great friend of mine and I know when we hang it's going to be a night full of smiles and laughs.

I wasn't concerned with having them meet because I knew that even if the connection wasn't there, they would both come out of it with a new friend.  But it was there.  They both had such incredible things to say about each other.  She says, "He is everything I expected and more."  He says, "She is freaking AMAZING"  I am in love with their feelings.  If you have never experienced the amazing first date feelings then you are truly missing out on something wonderful.  For me, it has only happened once in my life.  Talking for weeks before actually meeting and feeling like you have a connection with them already.  Then driving to the location for that first date and feeling anxious and excited and the heart is racing, but not feeling nervous.  Then you see the person and WOW you are instantly attracted to them.  Then you move onto the conversation and it's just all there.  Looking into each others eyes and thinking that you could stare into those eyes for the rest of your life.  It's a remarkable feeling...it's enchanting, magnetic, unusual and wonderful all rolled up into one.

These are memories that I hold so deep in my heart.  I hope my two friends can look back on last night and think the same exact thing.


~Jen

Friday, January 27, 2012

Girls Night Out!

UPDATE: We just had to purchase a new GPS system just to find our way to the strip club! Lol

This one should capture your attention!  LOL  I'm heading out tonight with one of my favorite girls and we are hitting the strip club!  LOL  The last time we went, I spent the entire night watching her expressions (well ALMOST the entire night).  It was a cross between being intrigued, shocked and disgusted all at the same time!!!!  LOL  This should be a blast!  I love my girls!!!!!!! I love my life!!!!

Pictures to follow ;)  Kidding

Here are the ONLY pics I can post from that night. LOL






~Jen

Monday, January 23, 2012

Missing

If you follow my blog you may notice that a post is missing this morning. I deleted it. I made a lot of assumptions in that post that after thinking about it, didn't feel right to me.

~Jen

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The 3 Ducks

Between the 2 of us, David and I have 3 kids.  This is going to be a hard post to get my point across in because I'm going to try and describe just how different each of them really are.  Not even close in personalities.

The oldest is Haley.  She is 11 1/2.  Gorgeous, thick, dark brown hair with brown eyes.  She is average in height and weight for her age.  She is an extremely well behaved girl.  Definitely no mistaking that she is her fathers daughter.  She is the mature one of the three.  She is much more mature for her age.  She is extremely responsible.  She usually does her chores without being asked twice and she is great with saving her money for things she wants to purchase. Some may not know this, but Haley's mother passed away about a year and a half ago.  Much too young.  Haley has endured the loss of her mother, like no other little girl.  Sad, but not depressed.  Cried, but was not hysterical.  She never lost focus that she would be ok and that she had to continue living.  She is definitely a daddy's girl.  In school she gets all A's and B's and was upset that she didn't make the honor roll the first marking period.  Parent/Teacher meetings for her are average...she's friendly and a good student.  She's not a fan of reading but let me tell you what she is into...sports.

Haley is the natural talent of all the 3.  Her big sport is softball.  She has made the all-star team every season and will be trying out for a team called Sunday Select on Monday.  This is the best of the best and is a traveling team.  She is good at basketball, gymnastics and field hockey.  She just has that natural talent...she must get that from her mother :)

Haley is our tomboy.  She HATES the color pink and refuses to wear it (right down to pink earrings).  She HATES dresses and skirts.  She purchases boys sneakers and almost always wears her hair in a ponytail.  Haley would like to be a Phillies ballgirl or a teacher when she grows up.





Brayton is our boy.  He is 11.  Dirty blonde hair and the most beautiful blue eyes.  He is my mini-me.  He is extremely thin and extremely short for his age.  He is always the smallest in his class.  He is in 5th grade but if you saw him, you would probably think more like 3rd grade.  I worry about him when he heads into middle school next year. 

Brayton is our smartie!  We have been told since he was in kindergarten that he is gifted.  He has a photographic memory.  He has been tested twice for the gifted program in Elementary School but didn't make it either time because of his lack of leadership qualities.  He is a definite follower and not a leader.  Bossy sometimes...but not a leader.  He has zero athletic ability.  He played soccer one season and watching him on the field was like dying a slow death.  It was painful.  He does play the violin and also plays in the chamber orchestra.

Brayton is a natural genius.  He does his homework in record time, he never asks questions in class, he never studies and all his tests come back with 100% and above.  He has always gotten straight A's.  He loves, loves, loves to read.  I have never seen a kid read so much.  The kindle or a book are always close by.  He loves to draw and is incredible at it.  He always writes stories or comics.  His imagination is like none I have ever seen before. Parent/Teacher conferences are always the same for him...he's a teachers dream student.  Brayton once said he would like to work at Subway when he grows up.  LOL.  We are banking on him to be our retirement.





Jillian!  HA!  Jillian is our 8 year old blonde haired, blue eyed whippersnapper.  She is small for her age in height and weight, but not like Brayton.  She is almost as tall as him.  As most of you know, Jillian is a brain cancer survivor.  She is our fighter, our miracle, our tough cookie.  She struggles in school.  She holds steady with mostly C's but it's a struggle to keep her there.  She wears hearing aids and is in speech therapy.  I often wonder what she would be like if she wasn't given so much chemo and radiation.  Would she be smarter than she is today?  Would she be better at sports?  All questions I will never have answered.

Jillian is the girlie, girl.  She loves having her hair done up, her nails painted, she would wear heals if I let her.  She has THE WORST fashion sense EVER!  lol.  I make sure I pick out her clothes in the morning because if I didn't, they would probably think she was blind also!  She is obsessed with wearing skinny jeans (this I know she gets from me).  She gives me attitude in the morning if I don't put her in them.  She loves purses, jewelry, headbands, shoes, earrings, blah, blah, blah...  Because of her brain surgery she does have coordination issues.  She tries very, very hard and has improved over the years.  She plays softball and does pretty darn good if you ask me :)

This is a girl that falls at least 3 times a day (trips or slips on something).  Stands up everytime and says "I'm OK."  She says the craziest things I have ever heard.  Just out of the blue, she will blurt something random out that makes no sense.  She really is funny.  Jillian will be the one that will sneak out of the house as a teenager.  NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!  This is totally her!!!!  She's going to be boy crazy also.  I can see it!!!!  She has an iPod and is attached to it.  She loves to text.

Jillian's parent/teacher conferences have been the same also...she is a funny girl and is doing great considering what she has been through but we need to make sure she doesn't fall behind.  When she grows up she would like to be a mom.




We have an athlete, a genius and well...Jillian, the smartass!  Each so different but they seem to get along great.  Rarely do we have to separate them.  I love each and every one of them and just can't even imagine my life without any of them in it.

Thank you, God for bringing these 3 children into my life.  Each is teaching me something new everyday.






~Jen

Thursday, January 19, 2012

R.I.P. Mittens

You lived a short life Mittens, the lizard. I can't say I will miss ya though. One lizard down...one to go.

~Jen

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Utley

I always get requests to post pictures of our English Bulldog, Utley.  So...here are some.  I don't have any handy from when he was a puppy, but I will get them up because they are just so stinkin' cute!






































~Jen